The Tale of the Snail
by Jicar540
Summary: My first lame attempt at humour. It's rly drab n it sux. Written on a sudden whim, it rly, rly sux.


**The Tale of the Snail**

His eyes, stuck on stumps, darted around. He crawled, ever so slowly, trying to be stealthy.

Or perhaps just because his Speed was 0.01%. He needed a bathrobe. Or 5.

Anyway, he wiggled around, leaving a trail of lucent gunk behind it. Then a beginner just had to slip over that goo.

"Mama! Mama! I got hit! 1 hp gone. Waah!!!" The beginner fell on the green snail's shell and as he proclaimed, the green snail damaged him.

"My first ever attack!" the green snail thought in amazement. He stared at his green shell in awe.

The green snail was suddenly knocked off balance by an army of red snails coming towards him.

"Are you going to accept me into the N.U.B.S?" The green snail questioned of the leader excitedly, who waved a flag saying 'Nasty Uber Bummer Snails'.

The NUBS ignored the puny little creature that stood before them and trampled him underfoot, while attacking the defenseless beginner. Shortly after, a tombstone dropped out from the sky and landed on the beginner. He made the F3 face accidentally because he was a noob and all and did not know which was the crying face. Ah, well, he was close enough. Wisps of smoke appeared and enveloped the F3-ing beginner and he disappeared into the nearby town of Henesys.

The green snail, being a monster, could not F5, but he yelled, "Damn u ksers!"

Once again, he was ignored.

-

Stepping into Henesys Hunting Ground, one could see a tiny weak figure hunched over a book. Light shined on his green shell as he flipped through several pages. The green snail was determined to get into the N.E.R.D.S club. And, as every well-learned snail knows, one needs to have and INT level of at least 1.

Of course, leveling up and adding 1 point into INT would be easier than poring over books, but our would-be-nerd here decided to go pacifist, instead of trying to attack every beginner in sight and attempt to upgrade himself into a blue snail.

"OMGZORZ FINALLY!" The green snail jumped in the air in joy. It wasn't so much as jumping, though, as falling off a ledge.

The green snail was gleeful as a light bulb suddenly appeared on his head. He knew it was this! A random NPC would grant him 1 INT point!

He shivered in excitement as he clicked on the light bulb. Don't ask me how.

"We have seen your determination. You have spent a year growing up already with your nose in books. However, you were reading a book called 'The Adventures of Hello Kitty'. Thus, you have no INT added. But, after a year, snails grow up into blue snails. So, rejoice! You have gained 5 Ability Points!" A disembodied voice said.

The green snail looked puzzled as he glanced at the pink book with a weird-looking cat on the front cover. Then he added all 5 points into INT and barged into the NERDS headquarters.

"I WANT TO JOIN NERDS LOL!!!" The green snail shouted, clearly exhilarated. He faced the leader of N.E.R.D.S and waited for him to allow him into the club.

"You cannot. All NERDS are required to be red snails as to join the Non-Evil-Redheaded-Dumb-Snails club, you must be redheaded*," the old wizened red snail declared sorrowfully as he watched the pitiful and dejected blue snail in front of him. The blue snail trudged off, as the weather portrayed his gloomy feelings. The rain beat mercilessly on his face and tiny droplets entered his open mouth.

The blue snail found it strange that some of them tasted slightly of salt.

*Don't even ask me why having a red shell means you are redheaded .

-

Finally. After 3 years of meditation. The red snail looked intimidating when framed against the Sun. Or at least he could intimidate um… Hello Kitty?

Once again, he skipped gaily into the N.E.R.D.S base and talked to the leader. Oddly, the leader had been changed and a green snail was now sitting on his golden throne haughtily.

"Uh… can I join NERDS?" The red snail asked.

"Dude, are you dumb or what? I suppose you _are_ dumb enough to be a NERD like me, but, like, _Noob _Evil Repulsive Dunces of Snails? You are like, a bloody red snail! You ain't _noob_, dude."

The red snail simply broke down right in front of every single green snail here now. He sobbed and wailed and screeched. Then he composed himself and swore every single swear word he knew.

He walked out of the headquarters and cursed his luck. He was totally guildless. He cursed the author of this story. Then, a giant hammer hurled by someone from the sky landed on the red snail and he died, squashed into pulp.

The author of this story pitied the red snail and thus he was reincarnated into a green snail.

The green snail hopped merrily into NERDS headquarters, not unlike how he did when he was young. He approached the leader whose throne was turned with its back towards him.

"Hello? Can I become a NERD?" The green snail questioned.

"Look, NERDS stands for Nasty Evil Redheaded Dreaded Snails!" The throne was turned around and the N.U.B.S, and now N.E.R.D.S, leader smirked at him.

The green snail was unable to suppress the anger he felt towards the author now.

"BLOODY #$%&!!!!1"

-

Author's Note: So this is my first attempt at humor. It sux, I know, but I hu cares? Review plz.


End file.
